Transition

In two days I will be leaving for DC. Here's a list of everything I'm feeling:

*Excitement. I will finally be on my own, responsible for myself [almost] completely, I won't have to answer to my parents, and I'll be living in one of the biggest cities in the country. I'm excited about decorating my new bedroom and making it my safe haven away from school and everything else, and I'm excited about getting to know my neighborhood and the city as a whole a lot better in the next three years. I'm excited because I'm going to get a bicycle, something I haven't had since I was about ten. I'm excited to start law school and to meet new people and learn new things. I'm excited to start getting a clearer view on what my life is going to be like once I'm finally done with school now that I at least have a general idea of what I want to do. I'm excited to be so close to so many people I know and like already. I'm excited to start this new phase of my life.

*Terror. All the things I just said I'm excited about? They also scare the shit out of me. Well, except for being close to people I know; that's actually quite comforting. With the exception of last summer, I've never really been on my own before, and then I had a light at the end of the tunnel. This time it's forever (at least I hope so, I really do). Having to pay all of my own bills is understandably scary. Having to meet a whole new bunch of people is terrifying. I don't know if you know this, but I'm a little on the shy side. It took me, like, the whole first year to make friends at William and Mary and that was in a program of 24 people; American University's law school's students number in the hundreds. I really do not make the best first impression. Getting to know me takes some persistence and a lot of patience--I make people work for it. I've tried to be better, and I think I've done a commendable job, but I'm still incredibly, painfully shy when I'm thrown in with a bunch of strangers.

*Sadness. I'm ready to get out of this house and out of this town, but I'm still sad to go. I'll miss my parents and Honey and the friends I'm leaving here. I know I'm only 3 and a half hours away and that I can come home whenever I want, but I'm not going to live here anymore. I keep trying not to think about it because I start crying every time I do, and I don't want anyone to think that I don't really want to go. Because I do. But it's still going to be sad. Unfortunately, in a time that should be more exciting than anything else, this is the most powerful thing I'm feeling right now.

*Frustration. I fucking hate packing. I have way more stuff that I feel it's necessary to take with me than I originally thought. There are going to be two cars and a minivan loaded up to DC on Saturday, and I'm 99% sure that I'm going to have to come back to get some stuff. I should really be a less material person...